Eggs. What. The. Fuck.
Everyone's favorite breakfast, eggs have forever ostracized me from every brunch party as the only egg-hater. They disgust me, and I am disgusted with every one of you who has eaten a hard boiled egg like it's a fucking apple. Never have I eaten an entire egg without it being mixed into a batter or some sort (i.e., cake). I've got a number of issues with these so-called "incredible" and "edible" items. Let me explain:
They're one cell. One fucking cell, like in high school biology class. Think that one over, people. The yolk? It's a fucking nucleus. The whites? Mitochondria, vacuoles, and everything else you don't want to think about eating. Ever. One giant cell that acts as a seed to grow an entirely new chicken! Do you like the idea of eating a fetus? How about a calf, direct from the cow's clam box?
They coagulate. Few things in the world are meant to grow more solid as they heat. What about the laws of, I don't know....melting? As far as I'm aware, it's just eggs and blood. I'm still debating if semen would. Anyone know?
They have hard shells, and differ in color based on the pigmentation of the oviduct of the hen.
"Incredible:" There's nothing incredible about eggs. Nothing at all. Unless, of course, a velociraptor pops out. They are merely queefed out of a hen's vagina (see the complete process here), as nature intended. Except we (read: the rest of you) eat them.
"Edible:" I beg to differ.
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